For the year 2010

I went to a funeral of a dear friend last night. It was a shock that he was really gone to everyone. I entered the funeral home, passed several other friends and neared his wife standing in the greeting line. She seemed like she was holding up reasonably well. When I finally got up to her she said " it all seems like a dream, I am still walking in a fog, it hasn't hit me yet, its just that...he...he was the Love of my life. I hugged her, we talked for a while and when I walked away I lost it.

I wasn't crying because Mike was with the Lord I was crying because I could not imagine being in Diane's shoes. I knew one day soon the cloud was going to lift and the reality of her husband being gone was going to hit. I couldn't help but glance over at Tom every now and then while he talked to many dear friends who had come to the funeral and think about what if it was me and I ached in my heart for Sandy.

I began to think about how Diane probably didn't care at this time about all of Mikes annoyances or the presents she wished he had gotten her, about the mistakes he had made. No she was wishing she has said "I love you" that morning before he left. She was just wishing it wasn't real and she would go home and he would be there. I understood in an instant that if It was me there not Diane and Tom was gone my focus would be totally different. If I had any petty issues, any disappointments lingering in my heart anything like that at all...It would be in that instant trivial and I would gladly have them back along with him.

So for this year 2010, I am going to try to live in my heart and mind that way. Thankful that he is with me, letting go of anything trivial and carrying the joy in my heart toward him as if I came home from his funeral to find him there! I know this will be difficult some days but with Gods help I hope to live this way more then not.

Christmas, Yesterday and Today

Decorated the Christmas tree yesterday with my 16 year old daughter Bri, 19 year old son Garrett, and our Korean student who lives with us. His name is Bobby he is 18. It was such wonderful fun.

There is nothing like those early Christmas memories with tiny children running down the steps in footie pj's sooo thrilled and happy. Decorating the with little ones was always new and I remember telling them the stories behind old ornaments of mine and new ones bought for them the year before they had forgotten. The tree always had all the ornaments on the bottom 1/2. Christmas really is for children in so many ways. Those times were so precious. Christmas's with teens are different but they can be just as wonderful in different ways.

Because we had Bobby with us this Christmas the kids sort of naturally taught him our traditions as we went along. They brought him into our holiday and it was interesting to watch.

We cut down the tree, Garrett asked Bobby if he wanted to lay in the muck and snow to cut it down. Garretts face looked like he was giving him a privledge. Bobby looks at him like he is crazy, but for Garrett it was a right earned at about the age of 11 when Dad finally let him do it himself. Garrett never saw the muck, he only saw a job earned, a right of manhood and he was still happy to do it.

We set up the tree and began to put on the lights, ribbon, beads and ornaments. Bri easily tells him the order of things and he complys. I thought to myself, when was it that the order had become written in stone, the tradition had become law. I smiled!

"Mom" does the ribbon", "This ornament I made in Nursery school and it looks terrible, but its Mom's favorite." " This was my grandmoms when she graduated high school", this one we bought at Disney, Hershey Park, Ukraine. On and on went the stories and traditions, hysterical memories, and precious moments that each ornament or decoration brought to mind. They even explained the annual dispute of which one of them gets the Old Nativity from Italy or the new one from Avon when I am dead and buried. Garrett began to mentions traditions he hopes to pass on to his family. I couldn't help but smile at the idea. We laughed we smiled and enjoyed every moment of it.

In Christmas's past who put the angel on last year and who is supposed to do it was easily the biggest deal of decorating the tree. I removed it from the box a bit more wrinkled, expecting the usual arguement when Garrett said "Well I think our new brother Bobby should put the star on tree", "Oh yea I agree", said Bri

They agreed???? They were going to let Bobby do it? I was teary as I handed our Angel to Bobby who did a great job putting the angel on the tree and even made a new funny memory.

I sat back, watching all this and thanked God for healthy Children who, love Jesus, Still love me, love our family and were willing to set their own wants aside, break a tradition and include someone else. I was thankful that the stories and memories had become theirs. I was reminded of this verse. Do not be deceived what so ever a man sows that shall he reap.

Those early years were precious and I have them forever. But seeing them become who God is making them to be is soooo much better.

Keep up the traditions, the memories and the lessons. They stick with them,they remember them.

My small congregation of 4.

I was thinking about my early years as a wife and mother. I stank at it, truely stank. I yelled to much. I got to frustrated to easily. My expectations were way to cinderellaish and hardly realistic. I was a control freak and yet wanted Tom to figure out what I wanted him to control. Poor thing, How did he survive it?
I would cry because I couldn't figure out how to get something to work or because I couldnt figure out how to make someone else stop crying.

I would flip flop, one day thrilled to be a wife and mom and the next missing that feeling of working and wondering what the world thought of little mommy me. My big accomplishments were getting a great deal on meat and reading book after book to the kids.

I remember the day I first saw Marthat Stewart on TV. I cried like a toddler. I was thinking I cant even draw a stick figure and this women can do everything. I never felt my house was clean enough, decorated well enough, food quite gourmet enough, etc. The worst part was, I thought everyone else had it all together and I didnt.

It took several years for me to realize that loving my family, taking care of them and keeping my home was not just a honorable job it was a ministry. Infact it was the only ministry that only I could do and no one else,talk about being called. Only I had been called to love and honor my husband and be his helper, encourage him, help him become the man God wanted him to be. It was my ministry. Only I was called to teach my children the alphabet and show them who God is! I was entrusted with the huge task of discipling them so that they love God more then anything. I was responsible to care for Children of the King.

I may have had a small congregation but my little family of 4 was my ministry and I was going to do it the very best I could. If your feeling today like being that wife and mother is not very exciting, well ministry is sometimes like that. It has its highs and lows, but it is the ministry God has called you to. Its important to him and its so worth all the effort you give it.

Brag on your man!

I was thinking about thanksgiving day and I came up with an Idea.

Some of us will be at other peoples homes or have our homes filled with people.I had the idea that this is a good time to brag about our husbands to others infront of him. Yes, brag on him, praise him. It is soo fun and does huge things to his self image. You would not believe how much it means for a man to hear his wife boasting about him like he would a new car. There is nothing a man cannot accomplish if he believes his wife believes in him.

I know he may not return the praise and thats ok for today. Just let it be a time where your giving him the gift of encouragement.

Are you sitting there thinking...What is the world would I say? Well here is some ideas you can use and revamp to fit your man. We will use the name Sneed, because I am fairly sure I do not have a Sneed reader or married to a reader.

Sneed has been working so hard for our family. It means so much to me that he is willing to do that.

Sneed puts in hours of over time for us to have nice things.

Sneed is such a great Dad he is always willing to ________________.

Sneed knows so much about _______________ I am amazed.

Sneed still makes me take a second look when I see him.

Sneed makes me laugh all the time. Its so nice to have laughter in your life.

Now remember dont start the praise with a qualifier, "Sneed isn't a very good cook but he sure tries". Not quite it!

Dont say "Sneed tries to be a good Dad". That seems empty.

Don't use scarcasm, say it plainly.

Do it several times over a visit and watch your mans chest puff up bigger then the Turkey on table. If you happen to see me, do it infront of me, it will surely make me smile. Let me know how it goes!!

Have a blessed Thanksgiving, I want to thank you all for the secret inbox messages and the opportunity to help many of you with little problems you have had and insights you have shared with me. I am enjoying writing the blog.

Almost deleted the blog!

I was reminded by a dear sweet friend that I had not blogged in awhile. I told her I would write that day, but I did not. I even sit here today trying to figure what to write. I think its because last week I tried to delete this blog, but I couldn't figure out how. I sat at this computer with Tom standing over my shoulder telling me I was being ridiculous and to wait and give it time. I had no choice since I didn't know how to delete it.

I had had a terrible evening as a wife. I lost it with Tom and yelled and acted like a total fool. He was upset too and for the first time in ages, I mean ages we went to sleep mad. (Not biblical, not good) I went to work the next day still feeling the seperation between us. I just felt terrible all day long. Tom texted me the sweetest message and it sort of broke the frost so to speak.

We are perfectly fine now. I just felt like,who am I to be writing about being a good wife when I was so aweful. I am reminded now of the "Love Bank". A love bank is a way to describe how people fall in love and stay that way. When we do nice things for our husbands or they for us they make deposits into a love bank. Things that we do that hurt our spouse or neglect them they are like withdrawls. Marriages get in trouble when the withdrawls are more then deposits.

I was awful to Tom and definetly made a withdrawl that night, but thankfully because usually I am trying to be a good wife and meet his needs there was plenty in the account for us to easily forgive, forget and move on.

I wanted to delete the blog when it happened because I was feeling so hypocritical, but perhaps it is good to be more real.

I would love to hear your struggles, maybe we can all help each other be the best wives we can be.

I am thankful that he doesn't pick his nose.

A little detour from the norm. I was thinking about Thanksgiving. Many people I know are posting things on their facebook each day saying what they are thankful for until Thanksgiving.I am doing it too. It is always a great ideas to count your blessings.

When I thought about it I suddenly remembered a time in my life when intentionally finding the good in my husband saved our marriage. Yes thats what I said, it saved it.
You didn't think I learned all of this the easy way did you. There was a time many years ago that Tom and I were not doing so well as a couple. I don't want to go into details but bascially I was disenchanted by him. I had lost some of the love along the way.

The day I decided to fix our relationinship I realized that a big portion of my problem was not him, but me and my expectations of what I thought he should be as well as my inability to appreciate his gifts.

So, I began to make a list of all of Toms qualities, his gifts and good things he did and I gave thanks for them. I told myself I had to come up with 100 before I could stop. I got to about 10 and sort of got stuck for a day and I prayed to God to help me see my husband in a new light. So I got the idea to list little things. Numbers 11, 12, 13, 14 went something like this.


He doesn't pick his nose.
He likes my food.
He doesn't mind grilled cheese night.
He doesn't chew with his mouth open.

It was funny at first but a weird thing happened everywhere I went I saw men that picked their noses or chewed with their mouth open. I heard wives telling me they had to make big meals every night or their hubby was not happy. I realized these little things were not little, they were all important.

The farther on the list I got the more I had to pay attention to what he was doing and it causes me to see more and more.

He loves his children with all his heart.
He adores me.
He is sad because I am sad.
He never looks at other women.

Somewhere between 75-100,I fell in love all over again. I don't even remember what it was that caused us to go through the difficult months but I do remember the feeling of falling in love more deeply then ever before.

If your going through a time where the sparkle is gone, your having difficulties or the relationship feels flat, perhaps taking a few days to be thankful for all your husbands good qualitites would be just the thing to help you.

If this is one of my male readers why not do the same for your wife.
Wouldn't it be great to have the sparkle back by Thanksgiving.

Make him glad your the one waiting inside.

One time Tom was sweetly calling Cubby to come to him, simply to pet her and play a little. When she came up the stairs the smell came to greet us first. She had rolled into something outside and was smelly and dirty. All of Toms desire to spend time with her, pet her, was done. He had to take her outside and give her a bath before he could even conscider petting her again. In fact he loves when she is really clean and shiney. No one really likes a Dirty Dog.

One of the things that happened to me when I had my second child was I got really busy. I had so much to do and so little time. I wanted to spend quality time with my kids, make yummy meals, keep my house clean and continue to do ministry. I dont know how, but in all of that I put how I looked on the back burner. I didn't intend to, but it happened! I would look good if I went out, but not in my home day to day.

Tom would come home and I would have my hair pulled back, no make up on, sweat pants and usually a t-shirt that had something on it that indicated what the kids ate for lunch or what was planned for dinner. He didn't care he loved me and knew I was busy. Right? Maybe he didnt want to drag me out to the yard and bath me, but I began to wonder if comeing home to a shabby wife day after day was discouraging to him. I decided to change this after a visit to his office.

I went to his office to bring him something one afternoon. He had several IBM visitors there as well as regular office staff there. All of the women I came across were dressed for work. They were cleaned,they were well made up, they looked very nice and put together. I thought to myself he spends all days woth these women and comes home to Mrs. Sweatpants and pony tail. I came home feeling like I was an old mom. I momentarily had a thought that I missed the work world and that was the problem. However, that was not it, I loved being a wife and mother and would not ever want to do anything else. I just knew that I wanted to look more put together, partly for me, mostly for Tom.

I didnt want Tom to have any reason to look anywhere else. I wanted him to walk in the door and think, there is my beautiful wife. So, that next day I looked at the clock and knew Tom would be home in a few minutes. I flew up the stairs, ran a brush through my hair, put on a touch of make-up, perfume, and a nice shirt to go over my jeans. To be honest it was nothing at all like the buisness women I had seen at his work the day before, but it was A LOT better then what I had looked like.

He walked in and as I smiled and greeted him he said, "Wow you look great, where did you go today?" He had assumed that I only looked that way because I had been somewhere special. "No where, I just wanted to look nice for you" I replied.

I have continued to do a little primping if necessary, right before he comes in since then. Trust me there are days that no one looks good, but I wanted to look better for him on a more consistent basis. I wanted him to be glad he came home, glad he came home to me.

Its so easy to let ourselves go, its easy to make excuses, but its just as easy to do 10 minutes each day before they come home to make them glad your the one waiting inside.


.

His Cheerleader

Cheerleaders! Most women hate them, most men love them but we all need them.

Seriously we all need cheerleaders in our lives. Someone who comes along side of us and encourages us, believes in us, stands there with us,when no one else does. When your losing at something in life 54-0 they are still yelling, "________, ________ he's our man if he can't do it nobody can. OUR Cheerleaders!!!

Dogs are sort of silent cheer leaders. They are always there happy to see us. You could have lost your job, and messed up your life completely and they still greet you like your the best thing on 2 legs. I remember when Garrett was having his difficult times in Ukraine with the older Ukrainian boys he would come in and just curl up with our dog cubby. She loved him, she adored him, she was his biggest fan and he knew that. It was his way to recharge.

My husband needs that from me too.
I sadly remember one time, a long time ago. Tom and I were driving somewhere,exactly where now I forget. Anyway we passed a turn and I insisted that it was our turn, he insisted it was not and kept going. He kept going for about 10 more minutes and then said in a sheepish voice. I guess that was the turn back there. He then turned around and went back. I didn't say anything, just something like it's ok were not really late. He looked over at me a few times and I smiled. He then shocked me, he stopped the car, turned to me and said " Hunny thank you so so much for not making me feel like an idiot for not taking that turn!" I said nothing, but I was stabbed, I mean stabbed in the heart.

How many times, I thought, must I have torn this man down or belittled him before about a mistake for him to react now in such a strong way. I was cut to the core. In that silent ride home I promised my self and to God that I would like Proverbs 31:12 says "Bring him good not harm all the days of her life". In that 10 minute silent ride back to the right turn I became Toms cheerleader.

I wanted him to know that I was not going to be the one to tear him down, make him feel small. No infact my new goal was for him to have full confidence in that what ever he did, I would be in his corner, his cheerleader.
Does he still make mistakes? Of course and so do I, but hopefully with Gods help he isn't worried that when he does his wife is going to be his worse critic.

I cringe when ever I hear ladies in large groups talking badly about their husbands. Its ok to share struggles with a close friend, or occasionally share a funny story but mostly we should be characterized by being wives who are boasting about our husbands,cheering for their successes,defending decisions, and building them up.

I daily need Gods help to do this because its so easy to criticize especially when you have control issues like I do. And,God does help me. But, when I do fail God is also there to help me to go and make it right.

TOM, TOM he's my man if he can't do it..NOBODY CAN!!

Do we melt?

I worry as I begin this simple blog that I may offend a few of the sensitive as I broach this subject. My hope is that a few will smile and enjoy the truth and humor of it.

Have you ever noticed that when you reach for your dog it's there! Every dog loves to be scratched behind the ear or on its chest or belly. If you start rubbing our dogs belly she will simply lay there forever until you stop. I suppose there are a few dogs who do not like to be pet, but I am going to generalize that dogs never regect attention.

Dogs never have headaches, or are to tired. They never remind you of all the bad things you have recently done to them that now requires them to reject you. Dogs never tell you you smell, or stiffen as if you disgust them. They just melt under your hand. Infact when you stop a dog will nose your hand so you continue to pet them. When they do that, you have to smile because you can tell in that simple movement that they love you and want you.

Ours husbands need to know this as well. Yes that we love them, but also that we want them. Are we rejecting or using it a a control tool? Are we stiffening or just plain to busy, OR do we, when they reach for us,MELT!

Comment from a Reader

I had to break from normal form and respond to a comment that was left in my facebook inbox. I get a lot of comments in my facebook inbox, but this was the first,for lack of a better word, negative one. It was from a old friend whom I respect and believe has good insight. If his impression is right I surely want to adjust,clarify.

This was what he wrote:
Looks like you're having fun with your new blog. I read your first entry. Be careful not to let the "old Michele" come out. :-O
By that I just mean that it sounds like your first posting was focused on trying to create envy, e.g., "Why doesn't my wife..."
Instead, please accept this gentle encouragement from me:
Hebrews 10:24
"And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works."
That's a worthy goal for a blog. :-)

If you are reading the blog to make others jealous please stop!:) If your reading it to change your marriage for the better, then that is why I wrote it.

Yes, if you treat your husband with unselfish love and dedication people will notice. You will probably be envied. However PLEASE, PLEASE,PLEASE do it because you want your home and marriage to bring glory to God. When people say wow what do you guys have tell them God has shown you to conscider others better then yourself. That like Prov 31 reminds us that we should "bring him Good not harm all the days of his life". (him meaning her husband) that its just Gods way!! Yes, I add that silly dog slant to it to make it fun, but its the same truths.

I also never thought I would have male readers but suprisingly I do.
To you guys: If this blog is making you feel resentment toward your wife or even just feel disgruntled toward her then don't read it. I also want to tell you that no one ever does all this perfecty certainly not ME!! Pray for your wife, pray for your home and marriage and try to do your part, by loving her as Christ loves the church and then let God work on her in his time.

I am sorry if the first blog it sounded that way. To my friend and reader thank you so so much for your imput. It really helped and was a blessing. To my other readers, keep the many questions and comments coming.

Someday people will actually leave them on the blog. Hahaha!!

Holding on to "your mad"

Yes, I do have more Dog word pictures for us wives. Scary what I spend my time thinking about huh? Anyway...

It was not that long ago when Tom and I had a disagreement. I forget what it was about but he appologized and I said I forgave him. I did too, but for some reason I wanted to hold on to "my mad". I did not want to shake it off. I had been wronged and I was enjoying punishing him with my sad face or my short responses. "Hun, Are you sure your ok?","I'm Fine". The poor guys walked on egg shells all day long. Sometimes that evening I shook it off, perhaps I had punished him enough and moved on. I am terrible. I do not like this in me but I do not think I am alone in doing this sometimes.

Dogs do not do this to men. You have seen people treating their dogs terribly and 2 seconds later the dog is happy again, trying to get their owner to pet them. You yell at them or push them outside and they stand there with that stupid happy dog look saying, when your happy Im here ready to be happy with you. They let stuff go instantly! You know its true.

Many years ago I sadly saw my friend severly beat his dog and when he was done, that same second, the dog slowly walked back up to my friend and nosed his hand to get him to pet him, that same hand that just beat him. I am not suggesting we allow husbands to beat us, infact if yours is you call me I will help you bury them. hehehe JK!!

The point is that Dogs want to mend that relationship right away. They want to let everything go and move on to where everyone is happy. They would rather forgive then brood. They want the relationship to be healed immedietly. I think we can gleen something from this idea. I know I did.

I now try to not hold on to "My mad". I am also trying to make sure I do this with my children. I found its not just better for my family, its better for me. I like this me much better.

I am so glad God forgives us completely the instant we ask him for forgiveness.

A happy mans wife does not hold on to "her mad".

She greets me wagging her tail.

It was after that first Dog example that I began to look at how dogs respond to their masters. I mean why do people love their dogs so much. So, I went to work that day. I was still thinking of examples of things that my Dog does when I pulled up in front of the house after being gone half the day. Cubby, was in the window the second I arrived, wagging her tail so hard that her entire body moved. She ran from door to window until I made my way to the door. The second I got in she whined with joy, gave me a gift of an old shoe, and did circles around me of sheer delight. I could not help but smile and pet her and greet her. I thought to myself sheesh, I've only been gone for 4 hours.

After I got in the door, and put my things down. I greeted her again. I again had to smile and it hit me. She is happy to see me. She makes me feel like I am the most important thing in her life ,and that she has been waiting for me. I remembered a while back a friend joking that if it wasn't for his dog no one would greet him when he walked in the door. Had I found another thing that would mean something to my husband that my dog does so easily? I mean most restaurants, businesses, even store today have greeters,So they must know that people like to be made to feel welcome.


I wondered what is it like when most men come home. Most of us women are busy doing 1000 things when their husbands walk in the door. We are making dinner, yelling at the kids or talking on the phone. Perhaps we wave, smile or yell a hi across the house when they walk in the door, but do we really greet them in such a way that they can't help but think "she is happy I am home"?So I asked myself can I adjust my life so that when I think he may be walking in the door, I hang up the phone, set down that spoon and tell the kids to wait a few minutes Daddy is home. Then be there with that smile and hug when he walks in the door. I never found any use for carrying a shoe in my mouth but I did find that this was something my husband really, really responded too.

"Heyy, you really missed me?" That was his first response. Yes I guess I did I said. He smiled and said nice to be missed. I did this for a few weeks when one day I didn't know he was coming in the house and I was in the basement. He was in the house for a minute before I saw him. He said "oh your here, I was missing my greeter." I then asked if he liked me doing that, he said it made it worth coming home. When he left work he know I would be there happy to see him.

Again, I had learned something from my dog. I cannot always do it, but I certainly try to let him know that I am thrilled he walked in that door as often as possible. Sometimes I have to push my dog out of the way to get to him first, and I also taught my kids to greet daddy when he came home from the time they were very young.

Ladies, go head build up your husband. Make him feel like he really is the king coming home and make your self the reason he wants to walk in that door everyday.

A happy husband is greeted as if he has been missed.

Even good dogs chew the carpets sometimes.

I thought I would add here that if your trying to be a Good wife, if your trying thats all you can do. No one is perfect no one is going to get it right all the time. I certainly don't, just ask my friend Kenny.

I have a Dog from Ukraine. We brought her from Ukraine becasue we simply love that dog. She is dear to everyone in our family. She does all the dog things that dogs do to endear you to them. She can be a stinker though, she used to run away until we got an electric fence. She sheds like crazy which makes me crazy sometimes and she occasionally chews the carpet. She is far from perfect, way far. However because she has endeared herself to us we roll with those difficult times more easily. We may scold her, but we still love her and would never, ever let her go.

That is basically me too. I try to do be a good wife, I ask God to help me and I continue to love Tom with my actions as much as possible, but I do sometimes, many times slip into humanity and chew the rugs.

I also don't want you to get the idea that Tom is sitting on a throne and I wait on him hand and foot. It is not that way at all, and I guess that is the point. Tom is a huge help around the house. He doesn't mind helping because he is happy with me and our home. I have many more thoughts from watching dogs to follow and I hope this becomes clearer as we go.

Jump in the truck!

It is true! Many of the things I've learned about being the kind of wife that God called me to be and that makes other envious I've learned from watching dogs.
Everyone one knows that the expression “Dog is a mans best friend“. Its really true. You don’t have to listen to a country western station very long to get the point that in many relationships the man misses his Dog more then the wife after a divorce. I have heard from more then one man that only his dog understands him, truly loves him, or is glad to see him when he gets home. I find these statements to be so, so sad.
Most men are truly just full grown little boys. They just need sincere encouragement, love, attention, fun and food and they are happy. Have you ever seen a little boy with his dog or puppy. Its sheer bliss on their faces as they spend hours together. Have you ever heard a man or boy talking about his dog? It is usually a brag fest. It goes something like this, “ Old Maxie he jumps so high he clears the fence and rides around in my truck and never barks. Last week he ran a rabbit down and almost caught him.“ The man again has this thrilled, proud look on his face fully confident that HIS DOG is the best. Now, This is where I explain to that sweet women who asked me my secret , that this same blissful look, this same certainty that his dog is the best dog in the world can be the way your husbands look at, talks about and thinks about you. It how Tom feels about me.

So How did I first come about this idea? I told you earlier that I decieded that I wanted to be the best wife I could be. Now many women will tell you this is ridiculous and that I need to get a backbone. They will tell you that a man should not need to be babied or catered to and if he does he is a wimp. That she has as much right to sit at a BBQ as he does. I guess the one who thinks this way has a right to feel this way, but I guarantee her if she just tried it for a few months she would find she is actually happier and he actually does more for her and with her then he ever did before.

You see at that same BBQ Tom did help with Kids but I never had to ask. It was never a issue between us. He was happy to help because he and I are so close.


So when I decieded to make Tom king of the castle. I thought about how I could do that. I read a few good christian books on being a good wife. They helped ! But they didn’t help me to see my husband clearly until one day.

I have a dear friend who has a rough marriage. They have rocky times and seem to bicker more then speak nicely. He wants her to go to his bike races, and triathalons. She doesn’t like standing out in the heat and keeping the kids busy while he is riding. So she doesn’t go. He bought a puppy for the kids a few weeks earlier but the dog was already his buddy. When Leonard opened the truck the dog wagged his tail and jumped in ready to go where ever he was going. No questions asked. He was happy to go because he was going somewhere with Leonard it didn’t matter where. The dog lay on the truck seat with his head on Leonard lap content, no questions, just happy to be together. Marcy wanted to get rid of the dog for various reasons a week or two later and I saw Leonard jump to the Dogs defence. No, I will keep him with me you don’t have to deal with him. Shoot I love that stupid dog. It was a simple statement but to me It was shockingly loud. I tried to remember if I had ever heard Leonard tell Marcy he loved her, ever? I could not. I tried to remember if I heard him say it to someone else. Nope. “I LOVE THAT STUPID DOG!”

He did, he really loved that Dog. He didn’t even mind that the dog had some stupid moments he loved him. WHY? I believe it was because the dog filled the need the man had for companionship. He wanted Marcy to want to come with him to events and races. He wanted her to want to be with him just like the Dog wanted to. He literally wanted her to be just like the dog, content to go where ever, a bike race, a triathalon because she wanted to be with him, because it was her joy to be with him. It is not the same if you go grumbling the whole way. Its not the same if you go and have a miserable time. Its not the same if you have to be begged to go. He wanted his wife to want to be with him with the same enthusiasm as his dog. If your husband wants you to enter his play, do it, joyfully. If he is going to Home Depot perhaps he would like your companionship for the drive without nagging him about future projects.

So I tried it the next day. Tom was heading to Staples to get a ink cartridge. I asked him smiling, if he would wait 5 minutes to comb my hair and get shoes on so I could go with him. He reminded me it was only a 30 minute trip. I said I know but I would love some alone time with you. He smiled and said, Ok. Getting in the car, I thanked him for letting me go reminding him that I loved being with him. We laughed and talked on the say to staples and purchased a few items. He suggested ice cream so we stopped there. I did not want the calories, but happily had a non-fat cone. On the way home he reached over and took my hand, and said, we should do that more often. BINGO! It had worked. He was happy!

A happy mans wife is excited to spend time with him.

I learned it from my dog.

I have many incredible friends. I have friends who have so many gifts these people can do anything and do it well. I have friends who are artistic, friends who can decorate their houses with dollar store and garage sale items and their house looks like a magazine cover. I have a few organizer friends. They are able to manage and arrange huge dinners and projects and they don’t even blink at the task. I have a few friends who are doers. I mean they just do and do and do and never get tired. I have friends that are true chefs, real culinary geniuses. While most of us make tacos or meatloaf they are daily creating true culinary delights. I like to cook but I make regular family food, meat loaf, roast beef, spaghetti, baked chicken, etc. I am not very good with Grammer or writing so this should be very interesting. I do envy those who are excellent writers.

I don’t have any of those gifts. I am not artistic at all. All my decorating ideas are stolen from magazines or idea books. I cant even draw a stick figure without having to erase it and make changes. I am average at almost everything except, I am however, a really good wife. I have not always been, but I am now. I am sure at this point many of you are thinking well I would rather be good at something useful like those gifts I described earlier. Well, I would too, but since I can’t be I have chosen to be the very best wife I can.

I have found it to be so much fun trying to be a good wife that I don’t think I’ll ever want to revert back to regular wife. The reason I enjoy being a good wife so much is because its so easy and I love to try to make the man I love happy. I also love being a good wife because I have an evil streak in me. I love to watch women go green when their husbands says to my husband as I hand him a beautifully fixed plate at a BBQ. , “Sally never fixes my plate for me“.

I get simple pleasure out of knowing that a certain husband is going to mention me on the ride home from another friends party.. The conversations from what I have heard from my friends go something like this, “ Did you see Tom?“, Bob questions his wife. “Yes, of course I did what do you mean?” Leanne says Confused. “He never had to get up from his chair all day. “ Bob says with an envious tone. He didn’t have to chase the kids , he didn’t have to go get a refill on his drink or fix his plate.” Yea, Leanne begins with disgust in her throat, well Michele is ridiculous, did you see her kissing him all the time.” Yes, Bob says sensing she was making his point for him. What is wrong with kissing your man every once in awhile. Leanne continues, Well I think its ridiculous, its like she is back in the 50s all she needs is a dress and a bouffant hairdo and she could be Mrs. Cleaver.

Bob shakes his head and continues ,“You think what she is doing is stupid and I think it just shows how much she cares about Tom. You only came over to me once and that was to point out it was my time to watch the kids.” The conversation continues in both of their heads, but no one mentions it again. He is discouraged that she doesn’t get it and she thinks he needs to grow up and realize she is not his mommy.

One of my precious friends once told me that her husband told her that I play Tom like a fine fiddle. I still laugh when I say that phrase, and I am not totally sure what he meant. However, I think we all get the inference.

When I first purposed to be a good wife to Tom, I never even imagined anyone would notice. I certainly do not actually do it to make people notice. I think the reason people, notice is because today so few try to do this. If anyone ever reads this, I am sure most women will think it is a ridiculous premise to desire to make your husband feel like the king of his castle. They would say, "I work too...We are equal and why cant he get his own plate of food...He just wants me to sit on the couch, or go to his baseball game and I have more important things to do then that. You can disagree but I take all my roles seriouly and believe when I stand before God I want him to say I was the best helpmeet I could be.


If by now you think I am pure evil you could be right. But if I was saying that I took pleasure in knowing that people left my home saying I was an incredible cook or decorator you would not think the same way. I am not beautiful or anything special in anyway. I am just a women whose Hobby is to be a enviable wife because she in deeply in love with her husband. OH and here is a great place to add that I am a million miles from perfect. I have a long, long way to go, but I enjoy working on it. Like working on a scrapbook, I enjoy finding a new way to honor Tom in front of others.

This kind of conversation also has happened when we are at couples discussion groups, or bible studies geared to help couples get closer. Sometimes at the end of a gathering when there is just a few people left and were joking about our relationships. Eventually someone begins to complain about the other spouse. It starts jokingly but gets more serious. You can tell that a few of the couples have some serious issues. This is usually when they turn to Tom who has been quiet and ask him if he has the same problems with me. He responds, Actually, No, she is very attentive to my needs, takes great care of our house, she is a great Mom, super wife and I don’t have any complaints.
I not even thinking add to the discussion. Years ago I promised myself Tom would be the King of his castle and I am keeping that promise. Instantly I smell the hatred oozing in my direction from the women who now wishes she had a husband who would say such nice things about her and is sure what I just said was a load of doggie dodo. The husbands of course jumps on the King picture and begin to describe their life. In my house I’m more the court jester then the king. Another man chimes in, In my house there is no King only a Queen and her subjects. Again the topic ends in laughter after a bit more banter, but the tension between unhappy couples is still in the air. You just know they are going to discuss this later one way or another.

Usually after an event like that some wife who really does want to make her man happy, who really does what a contented home comes up to me and asks me my secret. She wants to know what it is I do that causes her husband to occasionally mention Tom and my relationship. She asks me how did you learn to be such a good and attentive wife. I tell her I believe God helps me to be the best keeper of my home and helpmeet because I ask him to help. I tell her that I think it is the key to my real happiness. And then, This is my favorite part, I look at her and I say.. But actually how I learned to be a good was by watching my dog. Excuse me? Sure, I watched dogs! (To be continued)