His Cheerleader

Cheerleaders! Most women hate them, most men love them but we all need them.

Seriously we all need cheerleaders in our lives. Someone who comes along side of us and encourages us, believes in us, stands there with us,when no one else does. When your losing at something in life 54-0 they are still yelling, "________, ________ he's our man if he can't do it nobody can. OUR Cheerleaders!!!

Dogs are sort of silent cheer leaders. They are always there happy to see us. You could have lost your job, and messed up your life completely and they still greet you like your the best thing on 2 legs. I remember when Garrett was having his difficult times in Ukraine with the older Ukrainian boys he would come in and just curl up with our dog cubby. She loved him, she adored him, she was his biggest fan and he knew that. It was his way to recharge.

My husband needs that from me too.
I sadly remember one time, a long time ago. Tom and I were driving somewhere,exactly where now I forget. Anyway we passed a turn and I insisted that it was our turn, he insisted it was not and kept going. He kept going for about 10 more minutes and then said in a sheepish voice. I guess that was the turn back there. He then turned around and went back. I didn't say anything, just something like it's ok were not really late. He looked over at me a few times and I smiled. He then shocked me, he stopped the car, turned to me and said " Hunny thank you so so much for not making me feel like an idiot for not taking that turn!" I said nothing, but I was stabbed, I mean stabbed in the heart.

How many times, I thought, must I have torn this man down or belittled him before about a mistake for him to react now in such a strong way. I was cut to the core. In that silent ride home I promised my self and to God that I would like Proverbs 31:12 says "Bring him good not harm all the days of her life". In that 10 minute silent ride back to the right turn I became Toms cheerleader.

I wanted him to know that I was not going to be the one to tear him down, make him feel small. No infact my new goal was for him to have full confidence in that what ever he did, I would be in his corner, his cheerleader.
Does he still make mistakes? Of course and so do I, but hopefully with Gods help he isn't worried that when he does his wife is going to be his worse critic.

I cringe when ever I hear ladies in large groups talking badly about their husbands. Its ok to share struggles with a close friend, or occasionally share a funny story but mostly we should be characterized by being wives who are boasting about our husbands,cheering for their successes,defending decisions, and building them up.

I daily need Gods help to do this because its so easy to criticize especially when you have control issues like I do. And,God does help me. But, when I do fail God is also there to help me to go and make it right.

TOM, TOM he's my man if he can't do it..NOBODY CAN!!

Do we melt?

I worry as I begin this simple blog that I may offend a few of the sensitive as I broach this subject. My hope is that a few will smile and enjoy the truth and humor of it.

Have you ever noticed that when you reach for your dog it's there! Every dog loves to be scratched behind the ear or on its chest or belly. If you start rubbing our dogs belly she will simply lay there forever until you stop. I suppose there are a few dogs who do not like to be pet, but I am going to generalize that dogs never regect attention.

Dogs never have headaches, or are to tired. They never remind you of all the bad things you have recently done to them that now requires them to reject you. Dogs never tell you you smell, or stiffen as if you disgust them. They just melt under your hand. Infact when you stop a dog will nose your hand so you continue to pet them. When they do that, you have to smile because you can tell in that simple movement that they love you and want you.

Ours husbands need to know this as well. Yes that we love them, but also that we want them. Are we rejecting or using it a a control tool? Are we stiffening or just plain to busy, OR do we, when they reach for us,MELT!

Comment from a Reader

I had to break from normal form and respond to a comment that was left in my facebook inbox. I get a lot of comments in my facebook inbox, but this was the first,for lack of a better word, negative one. It was from a old friend whom I respect and believe has good insight. If his impression is right I surely want to adjust,clarify.

This was what he wrote:
Looks like you're having fun with your new blog. I read your first entry. Be careful not to let the "old Michele" come out. :-O
By that I just mean that it sounds like your first posting was focused on trying to create envy, e.g., "Why doesn't my wife..."
Instead, please accept this gentle encouragement from me:
Hebrews 10:24
"And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works."
That's a worthy goal for a blog. :-)

If you are reading the blog to make others jealous please stop!:) If your reading it to change your marriage for the better, then that is why I wrote it.

Yes, if you treat your husband with unselfish love and dedication people will notice. You will probably be envied. However PLEASE, PLEASE,PLEASE do it because you want your home and marriage to bring glory to God. When people say wow what do you guys have tell them God has shown you to conscider others better then yourself. That like Prov 31 reminds us that we should "bring him Good not harm all the days of his life". (him meaning her husband) that its just Gods way!! Yes, I add that silly dog slant to it to make it fun, but its the same truths.

I also never thought I would have male readers but suprisingly I do.
To you guys: If this blog is making you feel resentment toward your wife or even just feel disgruntled toward her then don't read it. I also want to tell you that no one ever does all this perfecty certainly not ME!! Pray for your wife, pray for your home and marriage and try to do your part, by loving her as Christ loves the church and then let God work on her in his time.

I am sorry if the first blog it sounded that way. To my friend and reader thank you so so much for your imput. It really helped and was a blessing. To my other readers, keep the many questions and comments coming.

Someday people will actually leave them on the blog. Hahaha!!

Holding on to "your mad"

Yes, I do have more Dog word pictures for us wives. Scary what I spend my time thinking about huh? Anyway...

It was not that long ago when Tom and I had a disagreement. I forget what it was about but he appologized and I said I forgave him. I did too, but for some reason I wanted to hold on to "my mad". I did not want to shake it off. I had been wronged and I was enjoying punishing him with my sad face or my short responses. "Hun, Are you sure your ok?","I'm Fine". The poor guys walked on egg shells all day long. Sometimes that evening I shook it off, perhaps I had punished him enough and moved on. I am terrible. I do not like this in me but I do not think I am alone in doing this sometimes.

Dogs do not do this to men. You have seen people treating their dogs terribly and 2 seconds later the dog is happy again, trying to get their owner to pet them. You yell at them or push them outside and they stand there with that stupid happy dog look saying, when your happy Im here ready to be happy with you. They let stuff go instantly! You know its true.

Many years ago I sadly saw my friend severly beat his dog and when he was done, that same second, the dog slowly walked back up to my friend and nosed his hand to get him to pet him, that same hand that just beat him. I am not suggesting we allow husbands to beat us, infact if yours is you call me I will help you bury them. hehehe JK!!

The point is that Dogs want to mend that relationship right away. They want to let everything go and move on to where everyone is happy. They would rather forgive then brood. They want the relationship to be healed immedietly. I think we can gleen something from this idea. I know I did.

I now try to not hold on to "My mad". I am also trying to make sure I do this with my children. I found its not just better for my family, its better for me. I like this me much better.

I am so glad God forgives us completely the instant we ask him for forgiveness.

A happy mans wife does not hold on to "her mad".

She greets me wagging her tail.

It was after that first Dog example that I began to look at how dogs respond to their masters. I mean why do people love their dogs so much. So, I went to work that day. I was still thinking of examples of things that my Dog does when I pulled up in front of the house after being gone half the day. Cubby, was in the window the second I arrived, wagging her tail so hard that her entire body moved. She ran from door to window until I made my way to the door. The second I got in she whined with joy, gave me a gift of an old shoe, and did circles around me of sheer delight. I could not help but smile and pet her and greet her. I thought to myself sheesh, I've only been gone for 4 hours.

After I got in the door, and put my things down. I greeted her again. I again had to smile and it hit me. She is happy to see me. She makes me feel like I am the most important thing in her life ,and that she has been waiting for me. I remembered a while back a friend joking that if it wasn't for his dog no one would greet him when he walked in the door. Had I found another thing that would mean something to my husband that my dog does so easily? I mean most restaurants, businesses, even store today have greeters,So they must know that people like to be made to feel welcome.


I wondered what is it like when most men come home. Most of us women are busy doing 1000 things when their husbands walk in the door. We are making dinner, yelling at the kids or talking on the phone. Perhaps we wave, smile or yell a hi across the house when they walk in the door, but do we really greet them in such a way that they can't help but think "she is happy I am home"?So I asked myself can I adjust my life so that when I think he may be walking in the door, I hang up the phone, set down that spoon and tell the kids to wait a few minutes Daddy is home. Then be there with that smile and hug when he walks in the door. I never found any use for carrying a shoe in my mouth but I did find that this was something my husband really, really responded too.

"Heyy, you really missed me?" That was his first response. Yes I guess I did I said. He smiled and said nice to be missed. I did this for a few weeks when one day I didn't know he was coming in the house and I was in the basement. He was in the house for a minute before I saw him. He said "oh your here, I was missing my greeter." I then asked if he liked me doing that, he said it made it worth coming home. When he left work he know I would be there happy to see him.

Again, I had learned something from my dog. I cannot always do it, but I certainly try to let him know that I am thrilled he walked in that door as often as possible. Sometimes I have to push my dog out of the way to get to him first, and I also taught my kids to greet daddy when he came home from the time they were very young.

Ladies, go head build up your husband. Make him feel like he really is the king coming home and make your self the reason he wants to walk in that door everyday.

A happy husband is greeted as if he has been missed.

Even good dogs chew the carpets sometimes.

I thought I would add here that if your trying to be a Good wife, if your trying thats all you can do. No one is perfect no one is going to get it right all the time. I certainly don't, just ask my friend Kenny.

I have a Dog from Ukraine. We brought her from Ukraine becasue we simply love that dog. She is dear to everyone in our family. She does all the dog things that dogs do to endear you to them. She can be a stinker though, she used to run away until we got an electric fence. She sheds like crazy which makes me crazy sometimes and she occasionally chews the carpet. She is far from perfect, way far. However because she has endeared herself to us we roll with those difficult times more easily. We may scold her, but we still love her and would never, ever let her go.

That is basically me too. I try to do be a good wife, I ask God to help me and I continue to love Tom with my actions as much as possible, but I do sometimes, many times slip into humanity and chew the rugs.

I also don't want you to get the idea that Tom is sitting on a throne and I wait on him hand and foot. It is not that way at all, and I guess that is the point. Tom is a huge help around the house. He doesn't mind helping because he is happy with me and our home. I have many more thoughts from watching dogs to follow and I hope this becomes clearer as we go.

Jump in the truck!

It is true! Many of the things I've learned about being the kind of wife that God called me to be and that makes other envious I've learned from watching dogs.
Everyone one knows that the expression “Dog is a mans best friend“. Its really true. You don’t have to listen to a country western station very long to get the point that in many relationships the man misses his Dog more then the wife after a divorce. I have heard from more then one man that only his dog understands him, truly loves him, or is glad to see him when he gets home. I find these statements to be so, so sad.
Most men are truly just full grown little boys. They just need sincere encouragement, love, attention, fun and food and they are happy. Have you ever seen a little boy with his dog or puppy. Its sheer bliss on their faces as they spend hours together. Have you ever heard a man or boy talking about his dog? It is usually a brag fest. It goes something like this, “ Old Maxie he jumps so high he clears the fence and rides around in my truck and never barks. Last week he ran a rabbit down and almost caught him.“ The man again has this thrilled, proud look on his face fully confident that HIS DOG is the best. Now, This is where I explain to that sweet women who asked me my secret , that this same blissful look, this same certainty that his dog is the best dog in the world can be the way your husbands look at, talks about and thinks about you. It how Tom feels about me.

So How did I first come about this idea? I told you earlier that I decieded that I wanted to be the best wife I could be. Now many women will tell you this is ridiculous and that I need to get a backbone. They will tell you that a man should not need to be babied or catered to and if he does he is a wimp. That she has as much right to sit at a BBQ as he does. I guess the one who thinks this way has a right to feel this way, but I guarantee her if she just tried it for a few months she would find she is actually happier and he actually does more for her and with her then he ever did before.

You see at that same BBQ Tom did help with Kids but I never had to ask. It was never a issue between us. He was happy to help because he and I are so close.


So when I decieded to make Tom king of the castle. I thought about how I could do that. I read a few good christian books on being a good wife. They helped ! But they didn’t help me to see my husband clearly until one day.

I have a dear friend who has a rough marriage. They have rocky times and seem to bicker more then speak nicely. He wants her to go to his bike races, and triathalons. She doesn’t like standing out in the heat and keeping the kids busy while he is riding. So she doesn’t go. He bought a puppy for the kids a few weeks earlier but the dog was already his buddy. When Leonard opened the truck the dog wagged his tail and jumped in ready to go where ever he was going. No questions asked. He was happy to go because he was going somewhere with Leonard it didn’t matter where. The dog lay on the truck seat with his head on Leonard lap content, no questions, just happy to be together. Marcy wanted to get rid of the dog for various reasons a week or two later and I saw Leonard jump to the Dogs defence. No, I will keep him with me you don’t have to deal with him. Shoot I love that stupid dog. It was a simple statement but to me It was shockingly loud. I tried to remember if I had ever heard Leonard tell Marcy he loved her, ever? I could not. I tried to remember if I heard him say it to someone else. Nope. “I LOVE THAT STUPID DOG!”

He did, he really loved that Dog. He didn’t even mind that the dog had some stupid moments he loved him. WHY? I believe it was because the dog filled the need the man had for companionship. He wanted Marcy to want to come with him to events and races. He wanted her to want to be with him just like the Dog wanted to. He literally wanted her to be just like the dog, content to go where ever, a bike race, a triathalon because she wanted to be with him, because it was her joy to be with him. It is not the same if you go grumbling the whole way. Its not the same if you go and have a miserable time. Its not the same if you have to be begged to go. He wanted his wife to want to be with him with the same enthusiasm as his dog. If your husband wants you to enter his play, do it, joyfully. If he is going to Home Depot perhaps he would like your companionship for the drive without nagging him about future projects.

So I tried it the next day. Tom was heading to Staples to get a ink cartridge. I asked him smiling, if he would wait 5 minutes to comb my hair and get shoes on so I could go with him. He reminded me it was only a 30 minute trip. I said I know but I would love some alone time with you. He smiled and said, Ok. Getting in the car, I thanked him for letting me go reminding him that I loved being with him. We laughed and talked on the say to staples and purchased a few items. He suggested ice cream so we stopped there. I did not want the calories, but happily had a non-fat cone. On the way home he reached over and took my hand, and said, we should do that more often. BINGO! It had worked. He was happy!

A happy mans wife is excited to spend time with him.