I went to a funeral of a dear friend last night. It was a shock that he was really gone to everyone. I entered the funeral home, passed several other friends and neared his wife standing in the greeting line. She seemed like she was holding up reasonably well. When I finally got up to her she said " it all seems like a dream, I am still walking in a fog, it hasn't hit me yet, its just that...he...he was the Love of my life. I hugged her, we talked for a while and when I walked away I lost it.
I wasn't crying because Mike was with the Lord I was crying because I could not imagine being in Diane's shoes. I knew one day soon the cloud was going to lift and the reality of her husband being gone was going to hit. I couldn't help but glance over at Tom every now and then while he talked to many dear friends who had come to the funeral and think about what if it was me and I ached in my heart for Sandy.
I began to think about how Diane probably didn't care at this time about all of Mikes annoyances or the presents she wished he had gotten her, about the mistakes he had made. No she was wishing she has said "I love you" that morning before he left. She was just wishing it wasn't real and she would go home and he would be there. I understood in an instant that if It was me there not Diane and Tom was gone my focus would be totally different. If I had any petty issues, any disappointments lingering in my heart anything like that at all...It would be in that instant trivial and I would gladly have them back along with him.
So for this year 2010, I am going to try to live in my heart and mind that way. Thankful that he is with me, letting go of anything trivial and carrying the joy in my heart toward him as if I came home from his funeral to find him there! I know this will be difficult some days but with Gods help I hope to live this way more then not.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Christmas, Yesterday and Today
Decorated the Christmas tree yesterday with my 16 year old daughter Bri, 19 year old son Garrett, and our Korean student who lives with us. His name is Bobby he is 18. It was such wonderful fun.
There is nothing like those early Christmas memories with tiny children running down the steps in footie pj's sooo thrilled and happy. Decorating the with little ones was always new and I remember telling them the stories behind old ornaments of mine and new ones bought for them the year before they had forgotten. The tree always had all the ornaments on the bottom 1/2. Christmas really is for children in so many ways. Those times were so precious. Christmas's with teens are different but they can be just as wonderful in different ways.
Because we had Bobby with us this Christmas the kids sort of naturally taught him our traditions as we went along. They brought him into our holiday and it was interesting to watch.
We cut down the tree, Garrett asked Bobby if he wanted to lay in the muck and snow to cut it down. Garretts face looked like he was giving him a privledge. Bobby looks at him like he is crazy, but for Garrett it was a right earned at about the age of 11 when Dad finally let him do it himself. Garrett never saw the muck, he only saw a job earned, a right of manhood and he was still happy to do it.
We set up the tree and began to put on the lights, ribbon, beads and ornaments. Bri easily tells him the order of things and he complys. I thought to myself, when was it that the order had become written in stone, the tradition had become law. I smiled!
"Mom" does the ribbon", "This ornament I made in Nursery school and it looks terrible, but its Mom's favorite." " This was my grandmoms when she graduated high school", this one we bought at Disney, Hershey Park, Ukraine. On and on went the stories and traditions, hysterical memories, and precious moments that each ornament or decoration brought to mind. They even explained the annual dispute of which one of them gets the Old Nativity from Italy or the new one from Avon when I am dead and buried. Garrett began to mentions traditions he hopes to pass on to his family. I couldn't help but smile at the idea. We laughed we smiled and enjoyed every moment of it.
In Christmas's past who put the angel on last year and who is supposed to do it was easily the biggest deal of decorating the tree. I removed it from the box a bit more wrinkled, expecting the usual arguement when Garrett said "Well I think our new brother Bobby should put the star on tree", "Oh yea I agree", said Bri
They agreed???? They were going to let Bobby do it? I was teary as I handed our Angel to Bobby who did a great job putting the angel on the tree and even made a new funny memory.
I sat back, watching all this and thanked God for healthy Children who, love Jesus, Still love me, love our family and were willing to set their own wants aside, break a tradition and include someone else. I was thankful that the stories and memories had become theirs. I was reminded of this verse. Do not be deceived what so ever a man sows that shall he reap.
Those early years were precious and I have them forever. But seeing them become who God is making them to be is soooo much better.
Keep up the traditions, the memories and the lessons. They stick with them,they remember them.
There is nothing like those early Christmas memories with tiny children running down the steps in footie pj's sooo thrilled and happy. Decorating the with little ones was always new and I remember telling them the stories behind old ornaments of mine and new ones bought for them the year before they had forgotten. The tree always had all the ornaments on the bottom 1/2. Christmas really is for children in so many ways. Those times were so precious. Christmas's with teens are different but they can be just as wonderful in different ways.
Because we had Bobby with us this Christmas the kids sort of naturally taught him our traditions as we went along. They brought him into our holiday and it was interesting to watch.
We cut down the tree, Garrett asked Bobby if he wanted to lay in the muck and snow to cut it down. Garretts face looked like he was giving him a privledge. Bobby looks at him like he is crazy, but for Garrett it was a right earned at about the age of 11 when Dad finally let him do it himself. Garrett never saw the muck, he only saw a job earned, a right of manhood and he was still happy to do it.
We set up the tree and began to put on the lights, ribbon, beads and ornaments. Bri easily tells him the order of things and he complys. I thought to myself, when was it that the order had become written in stone, the tradition had become law. I smiled!
"Mom" does the ribbon", "This ornament I made in Nursery school and it looks terrible, but its Mom's favorite." " This was my grandmoms when she graduated high school", this one we bought at Disney, Hershey Park, Ukraine. On and on went the stories and traditions, hysterical memories, and precious moments that each ornament or decoration brought to mind. They even explained the annual dispute of which one of them gets the Old Nativity from Italy or the new one from Avon when I am dead and buried. Garrett began to mentions traditions he hopes to pass on to his family. I couldn't help but smile at the idea. We laughed we smiled and enjoyed every moment of it.
In Christmas's past who put the angel on last year and who is supposed to do it was easily the biggest deal of decorating the tree. I removed it from the box a bit more wrinkled, expecting the usual arguement when Garrett said "Well I think our new brother Bobby should put the star on tree", "Oh yea I agree", said Bri
They agreed???? They were going to let Bobby do it? I was teary as I handed our Angel to Bobby who did a great job putting the angel on the tree and even made a new funny memory.
I sat back, watching all this and thanked God for healthy Children who, love Jesus, Still love me, love our family and were willing to set their own wants aside, break a tradition and include someone else. I was thankful that the stories and memories had become theirs. I was reminded of this verse. Do not be deceived what so ever a man sows that shall he reap.
Those early years were precious and I have them forever. But seeing them become who God is making them to be is soooo much better.
Keep up the traditions, the memories and the lessons. They stick with them,they remember them.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
My small congregation of 4.
I was thinking about my early years as a wife and mother. I stank at it, truely stank. I yelled to much. I got to frustrated to easily. My expectations were way to cinderellaish and hardly realistic. I was a control freak and yet wanted Tom to figure out what I wanted him to control. Poor thing, How did he survive it?
I would cry because I couldn't figure out how to get something to work or because I couldnt figure out how to make someone else stop crying.
I would flip flop, one day thrilled to be a wife and mom and the next missing that feeling of working and wondering what the world thought of little mommy me. My big accomplishments were getting a great deal on meat and reading book after book to the kids.
I remember the day I first saw Marthat Stewart on TV. I cried like a toddler. I was thinking I cant even draw a stick figure and this women can do everything. I never felt my house was clean enough, decorated well enough, food quite gourmet enough, etc. The worst part was, I thought everyone else had it all together and I didnt.
It took several years for me to realize that loving my family, taking care of them and keeping my home was not just a honorable job it was a ministry. Infact it was the only ministry that only I could do and no one else,talk about being called. Only I had been called to love and honor my husband and be his helper, encourage him, help him become the man God wanted him to be. It was my ministry. Only I was called to teach my children the alphabet and show them who God is! I was entrusted with the huge task of discipling them so that they love God more then anything. I was responsible to care for Children of the King.
I may have had a small congregation but my little family of 4 was my ministry and I was going to do it the very best I could. If your feeling today like being that wife and mother is not very exciting, well ministry is sometimes like that. It has its highs and lows, but it is the ministry God has called you to. Its important to him and its so worth all the effort you give it.
I would cry because I couldn't figure out how to get something to work or because I couldnt figure out how to make someone else stop crying.
I would flip flop, one day thrilled to be a wife and mom and the next missing that feeling of working and wondering what the world thought of little mommy me. My big accomplishments were getting a great deal on meat and reading book after book to the kids.
I remember the day I first saw Marthat Stewart on TV. I cried like a toddler. I was thinking I cant even draw a stick figure and this women can do everything. I never felt my house was clean enough, decorated well enough, food quite gourmet enough, etc. The worst part was, I thought everyone else had it all together and I didnt.
It took several years for me to realize that loving my family, taking care of them and keeping my home was not just a honorable job it was a ministry. Infact it was the only ministry that only I could do and no one else,talk about being called. Only I had been called to love and honor my husband and be his helper, encourage him, help him become the man God wanted him to be. It was my ministry. Only I was called to teach my children the alphabet and show them who God is! I was entrusted with the huge task of discipling them so that they love God more then anything. I was responsible to care for Children of the King.
I may have had a small congregation but my little family of 4 was my ministry and I was going to do it the very best I could. If your feeling today like being that wife and mother is not very exciting, well ministry is sometimes like that. It has its highs and lows, but it is the ministry God has called you to. Its important to him and its so worth all the effort you give it.
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